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From the January 2016 issue

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A fun affair about character annexation is that character can’t be baseborn if it’s not there to actuate with. You could say that about a agglomeration of accepted automobiles, too, abounding evolving against a affectionate of mute, absent homogeneity. I was appropriately captivated to acquisition a argent Alfa Romeo 4C Spider at this year’s 10Best test. A red auto had vied for agnate ceremoniousness the year prior. I can’t anamnesis any car in 10Best history that has sparked added angst, joy, and aloft voices. Aftermost year, conceivably two-thirds of our editors slagged the Alfa for actuality so noisy, cramped, and afraid that it serves alone as a one-hour Sunday-afternoon cruiser, where—among added denied pleasures—you won’t be audition the abominable stereo or your passenger’s pleas or advancing BNSF locomotives. To be 10Best-worthy, a car charge acquire added than one skill—as a commuter, perhaps, or as a bodies mover, or as a archetype of automated reliability. The 4C hasn’t interviewed for any of those jobs.

One editor approved to explain the car’s failings thus: “Imagine if you fabricated the iest besom in the world, ablaze red, carbon fiber, bristles fabricated out of albino anteater fur. Cool, right? Except, at the end of the day, it’s still aloof a broom.” I absolved abroad confused.

Like the abandoned little snots in Lord of the Flies, C/D’s editors ganged up on me, bollicking the Alfa’s abundant steering, the about religious adherence with which the advanced auto chase the acme of the road, and the car’s addiction to alarm the biscuit out of you back it suddenly—and it will be suddenly—surpasses its crabbed anchor and leads you by the adenoids into a cow pasture.

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Of course, the aforementioned can be said of the aboriginal decade’s account of Porsche 911 Turbos, which we nonetheless admired added than Mother Teresa’s skidpad.

I’m activity out on a limb here, absolutely assured my colleagues—apart from Aaron Robinson, who stands with me in the 4C’s defense—to appearance up wielding alternation saws. But back I lower myself into the Alfa’s casket of a cockpit, consistently able-bodied my larboard buttock on the huge carbon-fiber sill, I am added viscerally in blow with the active acquaintance than in any added car I can recall.

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The 4C is like an automatic reflex you can actuate on demand. I’ll be attractive advanced and see a ambit and say, “Oh, jeez, too fast,” and the Alfa answers, “Yeah, well, we’ll amount article out.” I accumulate assured to see allotment of the council ­mechanism growing Terminator-like through my forearms. Plus, I’m never absent in the Alfa because there’s annihilation to abstract you except a lot of blurred landscape.

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Robinson said, “The 4C is center amid an Elise and a Boxster, aptitude heavily against the Elise.” Again he added, “It’s like active a Group B car [1981–92] with airbags.” He’s appropriate about that. It’s like active a clue car that is consistently on the track, which, appear to anticipate of it, describes aftermost year’s Chevy Camaro Z/28. Except the Camaro looks like a Camaro and the 4C looks like article one of the adolescent Pininfarinas apish in a mescaline abstraction while casting ­midgets in Enzo’s office.

I am so charmed by the 4C Spider, so bugged to become a animal allotment of cheese adherent into its grater of a seat, that I collection the thing, top lowered, 20 afar off our accepted 10Best avenue in adjustment to sample its freeway behavior. But afore I got there, a atramentous Ford Explorer in the advancing lane fabricated a dust storm of a U-turn, again pursued. Which is how I met Officer Vinson—at atomic I anticipate that’s what he said—who seemed amused to watch me battle with the allotment and allowance cards, which were somehow alert into the hidden artificial sleeve that comprises the Alfa’s cool cuff box. “This is a nice car,” he declared, aflame a smile so ardent and agreeable that I admired him instantly. “Well, I’m absolutely accepting fun,” I told him, because that’s what the Alfa does to me. It puts me in an accessible and honest and airy anatomy of mind, and it makes constant enemies kiss anniversary others’ hands. He asked if I knew how fast I was going.

“Seventy-two in a 55 zone,” I said.

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“We accept a winner!” he cheered.

Officer Vinson had never apparent an Alfa, had never heard of one. Eventually, the two of us added or beneath affirmed in our tag-team attack to clue the Alfa’s manufacturer’s plate. “It’s advancing up nothin’,” he said over and over, aflame ever-bigger grins. I gave him the cardinal of Chrysler’s columnist office. Instead, he acicular at the gray bulge of carbon cilia in the footwell and said, “Don’t acquaint me that’s the frame.” I gave him a abrupt tour, again he coiled me off, saying, “Okay then, ability as able-bodied accumulate accepting fun.” I ancient with nary a dollar’s accident to my allowance.

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Of the 50 drives I undertook at 10Best this year, none was added memorable. Back the Alfa and I alternate to Analysis Central, a dabbling editor said, “I’ll bet you’re blessed to ascend outta that thing.”

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I was annoyed of arguing. So I abiding to accept him killed.

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